"You were a wonderful lover.
Such a wonderful person to go to bed with.
And I think it was mostly because you were indifferent to it; isn't that right?
Never had any anxiety about it...
Did it naturally... easily... slowly...
With absolute confidence and perfect calm.
More like opening a door for a lady or seating her at a table than giving any expression of longing for her.
Your indifference made you wonderful at lovemaking.
Strange, but true.
You know, if I thought that you would never, Never, NEVER make love to me again,
I would go downstairs, pick out the longest and sharpest knife I could find,
and stick it straight into my heart. I SWEAR THAT I WOULD.
But one thing I don't have is the "charm of the defeated."
My hat is still in the ring and I AM DETERMINED TO WIN!
...what IS the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof? I wish I knew.
...just, staying on it, I guess? As long as she can?"
(My paraphrasing of a section from...)
~Tennessee Williams' "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"
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I worked on interpreting one of my old dreams last night.
It scared me the truths it told.
___________________
Tonight, my old monologue from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof hit me. I started reciting it, and then performing it. In fact, I got so into character, I got up, dressed in what the character would be wearing at that time, went to my bedroom, and went through the monologue three or four times, just baring my soul into the last one.
Tears streaming down my face, I scream at the imaginary person laying next to where I sat.
By the last words, I sat again, thinking. Wondering. Most of all, listening. Listening to what I was saying.
No longer was I playing pretend.
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