Now, seeing as Glee has been on hiatus for a while now, I've been on a pretty big Glee kick ever since they announced the open auditions. So, here I lay in my bed having watched through the entire season at least twice in about the past month (yeah...) and I am currently listening through the soundtrack for about the hundredth time. I love it. They're performers. They struggle with balancing "the real world" and their love for music and Glee.
While on facebook, I start seeing statuses and comments popping up about this new play coming out that I had wanted to be in since it was announced last year. It kills me. Inside, my heart is breaking every time this happens. I'll just come out and say it:
I AM AN ACTRESS.
I am deeply in love with being on the stage. Or even as of recent, being in front of the camera. I love the thrill of studying this character you are given, thoroughly picking them apart, their every word, every movement. And then, you breathe life into them. And not only do YOU have the power to bring them to life, but you do it in front of hundreds of people! The thrill of it is captivating.
That is what I want to do for the rest of my life.
Going back to Glee, there's a character Emma Pillsbury. She is in love with the teacher Mr. Schuester. However, because she thinks she can't have him, she settles for another man, Ken Tenaka. Ken's a pretty good guy. He's nice. He's kind. He could have better hygiene, but all-in-all, he's not bad.
BUT... he's no Mr. Schuester.
They bring out all the truth in the end. Emma is SETTLING for Ken. She doesn't really love him. When she finally admits this, only then can she bring everything out into the open.
My turn.
I am SETTLING for working in public administration. It's safe. It's something I enjoy. But it's not my passion.
I'm coming to a crossroad in my life. I am finally graduating (hopefully) in May. I'll be done with grad school and the world calls my name. There are tons of job opportunities out there. Tons of jobs that would satisfy my need to make a living and not be completely miserable. However, I will be hard pressed to find anything even close to that flame that is lit within me. And I know, I know, I have discussed this time and time again. I've worn the topic to death, but I can't help it. When you love something, you can't help but bubble over in excitement with it.
I guess this is why it's weighing so heavy on me. In my job search, I've found myself looking at cities that all have good acting opportunities and I'm wondering, is this a good idea? I'm not sure... Will I want to spend all my time pursuing my dreams so much that I neglect my real responsibilities? I would hope not, but I don't know.
Secondly, I'm worried about my family. Technically, my mother. I know it's already hard enough on her having me 3 1/2 hours away. How would she respond if I got a job in LA? NY? Chicago? I would love to take my chances in these cities, but I don't want to push her away any more than I already have. In my past 5 years away from home, I have become fiercely independent. I love my family, but do not care even in the slightest for the way things were when I lived at home or even my freshman year of college. It's a delicate balance to try and walk, but such is my life. It really is a major concern for me.
Lastly, and most randomly, I should be cast on Glee alongside Christine Nicole and Steven Shedd. DONE. 3 new characters. Casting finished. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment