It was nothing like I had ever seen or experienced before. Granted, she and others made it very clear to me that today was not a true reflection of a "normal" worship service for them. Being themed for the Super Bowl, they changed things up a lot, but it was a good experience for me. And, definitely amusing. Haha!
I will say, it's been one of those days that makes me think. Think about what I believe and, not just that, but what I can understand and comprehend about religion or spirituality or faith or the Word.
Don't think me blasphemous for saying this, but in the past few months, questions have weighed very heavily on me:
Does God exist?
And if so, how much of the Bible as we know it today is actually his pure, unadulterated word? How much of what we read today has cultural influences from the period it was written? How much is part of the writer's personal opinion? The translator's personal opinion?
Continuing, do how the commands of God are carried out change? We went from the Old to New Covenant, so then can circumstance change over time?
Does technology effect how we view religion today? Does it effect how we practice religion today?
And these are just a few of the things to which I don't have scientific-statistical-physical-worldly evidence to provide an answer. I wish I did, but alas, I do not. So instead, I ponder. I wonder and think and read and ask and discover.
One of the things that I'm not sure was a blessing or curse was my childhood upbringing. Don't take me wrong, I am forever grateful to have such loving, wonderful parents and extended family that cared and nurtured me into the person I am today. I am more referring to never being encouraged to really explore or test my faith. It was always given to me as an absolute that there is a God. There are definite right and wrong ways to serve this God. If you fail in any of these areas, you FAIL. Hellfire and damnation are your eternal destination for your sinful ways.
A lot of people refer to this as the "legalistic" viewpoint (as contrasted with the more "liberal" churches that accept a broader interpretation of scripture). Rules were a major part of building my faith. It was almost like I was being told, "Yes, Jacie, there is a loving, kind, generous Savior that wants you to be a part of his family. You can receive his eternal grace and love simply by asking... However, if you want to keep it, you'd better work your tail end off to follow all his rules or he will rip it away quicker than a bandaid on your sinful heart."
That doesn't work for me. I'm not perfect. Never will be. And I used to have nightmare, daymares, terrible visions that would cause near panic attacks at the fear of failure I would have and spend an eternity away from my Lord. Where was the grace? The salvation? The promise that it is OK to fail?
I never got that part of the story.
After 5 years of college, I know that story, Oh, too well. Oddly enough, it's really taken being away from the church, being away from "Christianity" to really get to know how I feel about faith, religion, etc. I feel like the fortress of my youth was completely torn down, demolished. And now, it's time to rebuild. And honestly, I don't really know what the construction plans are. I know there's a blue print. I've read many copies of it. But you know what? I've never really been a good carpenter. I think I'm going to have to ask one for help on this project... :)
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On a completely different note, I had a fantastic evening (yet again!) celebrating Christine Nicole's birthday by spending a low-key night just writing and making music together. I love this girl and am so happy at the friendship I have found in her...
Also, I'm looking into getting an acoustic/electric guitar to use for our gigs!!! I started doing some heavy research tonight, even down to learning how guitars are made, what makes them unique, what do the different brands offer... it's been fantastic! I'm excited #1- that I now learned something new, #2- that I had to start thinking about what I really want out of this instrument, and #3- it's a new guitar!!! Haha!
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