07.01.09: A new month, new beginnings?

I don't have much time this morning, so alas, this shall be brief.

My inner turmoil is beginning to boil over. The conflicts I feel are finally reaching a point of requiring action, and yet, the decision I need to make eludes me.

Have you ever experiences a high ropes challenge course? There a special challenge called a "power pole." This consists of about a 30 foot pole, no supports, nothing but that pole. You climb it. You must stand on top of it sans any kind of help to stabilize yourself. Once you have completed the task of rising, you must then venture out to the trapeze swing... six or so feet away. While this may not sound entirely complex or challenging, you have to take into account a few things. #1- The pole has no supports. It sways in the wind and even worse under your weight. #2- If you don't reach or grab the swing when you leap, you WILL fall. #3- You're thirty feet in the air!

I must admit, though, there is nothing more gratifying than taking that leap.

It doesn't matter if you reach the swing or not. I've completed this challenge three times. I have succeeded in grabbing the swing only once. But that doesn't bother me. It wasn't the fact that I reached the swing that made it gratifying. It was the fact that I had the guts to jump.

I am saddened now by the fact that I cannot make the leap anymore. A I rise higher and higher into the air, my muscles tighten, my breath grows shorter, and my mind races with fear. But I wonder, if I was to try again... Take that leap... What would I do when I got there?

I apologize to anyone that isn't a fan of metaphors, but they're such a powerful way for me to express myself. Even the Lord himself used them to teach his disciples and followers. Such an ancient and beautiful storytelling. Unfortunately, unlike him, I don't have the answers.