New measurements!
Weight: 164.4 lbs
Bust: 36.5
Chest: 33
Waist: 29
Low Waist: 32.5
Hips: 42.5
Right Thigh: 26
Left Thigh: 25.5
AH!
I'm at 35 lbs down and total inches appx. 10 inches!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
12.20.11: How do you measure...
New measurements!
Weight: 164.4 lbs
Bust: 36.5
Chest: 33
Waist: 29
Low Waist: 32.5
Hips: 42.5
Right Thigh: 26
Left Thigh: 25.5
AH!
I'm at 35 lbs down and total inches appx. 10 inches!
Friday, December 9, 2011
12.09.11: I'm an Actress, but I don't do drama
*sigh* My new friend has me into the phrase, "See what I did there?" and making pun-y jokes.
Still worried about auditions tomorrow, but I think even if my monologue is lackluster, I can pull off the cold readings. They're my strong suit now, and I'm OK with that.
Secondly, I never, NEVER want to be the type of person that allows drama to dominate my life. I like living simply, peacefully, and with people who love and care about me.
If there's something I don't like, that causes me grief, or makes me down or pessimistic, I cut it out of my life.
I learned this from my parents many, many moons ago and for that, I am grateful.
Still worried about auditions tomorrow, but I think even if my monologue is lackluster, I can pull off the cold readings. They're my strong suit now, and I'm OK with that.
Secondly, I never, NEVER want to be the type of person that allows drama to dominate my life. I like living simply, peacefully, and with people who love and care about me.
If there's something I don't like, that causes me grief, or makes me down or pessimistic, I cut it out of my life.
I learned this from my parents many, many moons ago and for that, I am grateful.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
12.07.11: Monologue, Life (Strike that, reverse it)
Life
I was working on my monologue for auditions of "The Laramie Project" this weekend, and my friend Adam was asking me a lot of questions...
The scene I'm doing is from Diana Son's "Stop Kiss." Callie is talking to Sara whose in a coma at the hospital. And Adam asked me, "Who is it? When you're onstage talking, who is lying in that bed?"
A bit tongue in cheek, I answered, "Sara. Duh!" and laughed... But he looked at me seriously and repeated the question.
And honestly, I couldn't give him an answer.
I don't want to think about someone I love being brutally beaten and laying in a hospital bed in a coma.
So, I chose at that time to keep it at a distance. Keep my emotions at a distance. Because, as I confessed to Adam, that's what I'm doing right now.
I got really, REALLY emotional the other day, and I cannot stand when I do that. I don't like being overtaken with feelings. It makes me feel like I'm weak, like I'm fulfilling the stereotype of women as being irrational and not being able to control their emotions. So, whenever I catch myself doing that, I basically put myself in a little corner, a quiet, little unemotional corner and keep all my loved ones at a distance.
I know, that's not likely a healthy thing to do, but... yeah. It's what I do.
So here I am, trying to create this realistic portrayal of someone so heartbroken, so in love, so emotionally driven and I'm exactly the opposite.
Probably wasn't my best choice of monologue, eh?
____________________________________________________________
Monologue
If something like this happened to me, I know I hate hospitals, and I would hate going in there... but I would do it. I would be there. Everyday for someone like this. I would be there, hold their hand, talk to them. Anything to bring them out of it.
If I loved someone the way Callie loves Sara, I would do it. I would do ANYTHING for them to make it right. That's what you do when you love someone.
Callie is desperate. She is alone. There is so much happening around her; the world is spinning. And, she doesn't have Sara there to help her through it. She NEEDS Sara to be awake.
Callie needs normalcy. She banters because of her nervousness, her hatred of silence, her not wanting to be alone in this anymore...
The doctor told her that talking might help. The patients can't really hear you (though deep down, she feels like Sara can hear her), but in a way... who knows?
This wasn't exactly the way she wanted to meet Sara's parents. Callie's never been good at meeting the parents. She wants to be strong, SO strong for Sara. But after everything that's happened, she can't keep it a secret any more. It doesn't matter that they're Sara's parents. They aren't treating her right. And Callie doesn't know how to fully respond to it. This has never happened to her before. Not this way.
She didn't want everything to come out. She was perfectly happy keeping their feelings quiet. They were JUST taking their first steps towards being true to themselves and this happened. It's not exactly encouraging to Callie to be outted like this.
She feels betrayed. Everyone knows. And how will everyone react? She's had a little taste of it. She doesn't think she can take much more of it. She liked her life a anonymity. Now this?
When she received the letters from the women, of course there was sympathy for their attacks. There was remorse that this sort of thing ever had to happen. But at the same time, hearing that their girlfriends DIED... It can't help but make Callie reminded of Sara in the hospital in a coma. What if SHE dies? IS she going to die? What would Callie do?
Callie talking to Sara is a PLEA. "Don't die. I can't do this alone. I LOVE YOU. And we're out. And, I never really imagined life this way. But it's this way now. And I don't want to have to go through this without you."
I was working on my monologue for auditions of "The Laramie Project" this weekend, and my friend Adam was asking me a lot of questions...
The scene I'm doing is from Diana Son's "Stop Kiss." Callie is talking to Sara whose in a coma at the hospital. And Adam asked me, "Who is it? When you're onstage talking, who is lying in that bed?"
A bit tongue in cheek, I answered, "Sara. Duh!" and laughed... But he looked at me seriously and repeated the question.
And honestly, I couldn't give him an answer.
I don't want to think about someone I love being brutally beaten and laying in a hospital bed in a coma.
So, I chose at that time to keep it at a distance. Keep my emotions at a distance. Because, as I confessed to Adam, that's what I'm doing right now.
I got really, REALLY emotional the other day, and I cannot stand when I do that. I don't like being overtaken with feelings. It makes me feel like I'm weak, like I'm fulfilling the stereotype of women as being irrational and not being able to control their emotions. So, whenever I catch myself doing that, I basically put myself in a little corner, a quiet, little unemotional corner and keep all my loved ones at a distance.
I know, that's not likely a healthy thing to do, but... yeah. It's what I do.
So here I am, trying to create this realistic portrayal of someone so heartbroken, so in love, so emotionally driven and I'm exactly the opposite.
Probably wasn't my best choice of monologue, eh?
____________________________________________________________
Monologue
Magic If
Stanislavski believed that the truth that occurred onstage was different than that of real life, but that a 'scenic truth' could be achieved onstage. A performance should be believable for an audience so that they may appear to the audience as truth. One of Stanislavski's methods for achieving the truthful pursuit of a character's emotion was his 'magic if.' Actors were required to ask many questions of their characters and themselves. Through the 'magic if,' actors were able to place themselves in their characters' positions of the plot. One of the first questions they had to ask was, "What if I were in the same situation as my character?" Another variation on this is "What would I do if I found myself in this (the character's) circumstance?"[6] The "magic if" allowed actors to transcend the confinements of realism by asking them what would occur "if" circumstances were different, or "if" the circumstances were to happen to them. By answering these questions as the character, the theatrical actions of the actors would be believable and therefore 'truthful.'
If something like this happened to me, I know I hate hospitals, and I would hate going in there... but I would do it. I would be there. Everyday for someone like this. I would be there, hold their hand, talk to them. Anything to bring them out of it.
If I loved someone the way Callie loves Sara, I would do it. I would do ANYTHING for them to make it right. That's what you do when you love someone.
Motivation
Through the use of system, an actor is required to analyze his or her character's motivations. Stanislavski believed that an actor was influenced by either heir mind or their emotion to stimulate their actions and the actor's motivation was their subconscious will to perform those actions. Therefore, motivation has been described as looking to the past actions of the character to determine why they completed physical actions in a script.
Callie is desperate. She is alone. There is so much happening around her; the world is spinning. And, she doesn't have Sara there to help her through it. She NEEDS Sara to be awake.
Callie needs normalcy. She banters because of her nervousness, her hatred of silence, her not wanting to be alone in this anymore...
The doctor told her that talking might help. The patients can't really hear you (though deep down, she feels like Sara can hear her), but in a way... who knows?
This wasn't exactly the way she wanted to meet Sara's parents. Callie's never been good at meeting the parents. She wants to be strong, SO strong for Sara. But after everything that's happened, she can't keep it a secret any more. It doesn't matter that they're Sara's parents. They aren't treating her right. And Callie doesn't know how to fully respond to it. This has never happened to her before. Not this way.
She didn't want everything to come out. She was perfectly happy keeping their feelings quiet. They were JUST taking their first steps towards being true to themselves and this happened. It's not exactly encouraging to Callie to be outted like this.
She feels betrayed. Everyone knows. And how will everyone react? She's had a little taste of it. She doesn't think she can take much more of it. She liked her life a anonymity. Now this?
When she received the letters from the women, of course there was sympathy for their attacks. There was remorse that this sort of thing ever had to happen. But at the same time, hearing that their girlfriends DIED... It can't help but make Callie reminded of Sara in the hospital in a coma. What if SHE dies? IS she going to die? What would Callie do?
Callie talking to Sara is a PLEA. "Don't die. I can't do this alone. I LOVE YOU. And we're out. And, I never really imagined life this way. But it's this way now. And I don't want to have to go through this without you."
Monday, December 5, 2011
12.05.11: Experiment Time
I've decided I've had about enough.
The symptoms of my condition are greatly less intense than they used to be, but I still get them. And on occasion, when I try a new food or dish, they can get extremely bad.
But, I did a little research and found something called a low-fodmap diet.
Apparently, I need to cut out excess fructose, lactose, fructans, galactans, and polyols from my diet. AWESOME.
I know things like beans (of any kind) and broccoli make it act up. And the other day, I tried couscous and was MISERABLE for two days. Last night, I had spinach dip with riccotta cheese and a lot of milk throughout the day (which I hadn't had in a long time), I think? That was bad as well.
However, I've noticed looking at a list of fodmaps to eliminate there are so many of my favorite things- Apples, fruit juice, garlic, onion, pasta, crackers, cherries, peaches, pears, califlower, bell pepper, & sweet corn.
But, for the sake of my health, I'm going to try it. For two weeks, I'm going to try my best to eat a low fodmaps diet and see if it helps my condition. If so, I'll try and stick with it. If not, well... I guess it's on to the next idea...
The symptoms of my condition are greatly less intense than they used to be, but I still get them. And on occasion, when I try a new food or dish, they can get extremely bad.
But, I did a little research and found something called a low-fodmap diet.
Apparently, I need to cut out excess fructose, lactose, fructans, galactans, and polyols from my diet. AWESOME.
I know things like beans (of any kind) and broccoli make it act up. And the other day, I tried couscous and was MISERABLE for two days. Last night, I had spinach dip with riccotta cheese and a lot of milk throughout the day (which I hadn't had in a long time), I think? That was bad as well.
However, I've noticed looking at a list of fodmaps to eliminate there are so many of my favorite things- Apples, fruit juice, garlic, onion, pasta, crackers, cherries, peaches, pears, califlower, bell pepper, & sweet corn.
But, for the sake of my health, I'm going to try it. For two weeks, I'm going to try my best to eat a low fodmaps diet and see if it helps my condition. If so, I'll try and stick with it. If not, well... I guess it's on to the next idea...
Monday, November 28, 2011
11.28.11: Time to Grow Up
I was telling myself just yesterday that I had changed.
That I had finally come to a good point in my life and I had done a lot of "growing up."
Now, I'm sick.
Absolutely and utterly sick with this feeling that something isn't right.
And I'm hoping that I fix it.
And maybe, maybe this will be a REAL step towards growing up.
That I had finally come to a good point in my life and I had done a lot of "growing up."
Now, I'm sick.
Absolutely and utterly sick with this feeling that something isn't right.
And I'm hoping that I fix it.
And maybe, maybe this will be a REAL step towards growing up.
Friday, November 18, 2011
11.18.11: The Measure of Success
I finally took measurements today.
The last time I'm pretty sure I was:
Bust- 39
Chest- 35.5
Waist- 30.5
Hips- 44.5
Thighs- 27
Today?
Bust- 37
Chest- 33.5
Waist- 29.5
Hips- 44
Thighs- 26
Weight at original inches- appx. 180
Weight at new inches- appx. 170
Looking up clothing sizes, apparently my chest/waist measurements are perfectly in ratio to be a 10. My hips? Still at a 14 in most sizes.
Also, I've been running. In fact, in October, I ran typically 2 times, maybe 3 times a week. Intervals were my plan of choice. I wanted to be able to comfortably run a 10 minute mile by the end of the month, which I would say I was mostly successful at achieving.
My new goal? Be able to run 5 miles by the end of the year. Which, honestly, I think is perfectly attainable. This is my 2 mile week. Already at a 5 mph pace, the 2 miles is easy. EASY. It was rough on Wednesday when I tried to do a 5 mph for the first mile and then 6 mph for the second. I mean, I completed it. But I felt absolutely wretched. I think today I'll try and find middle ground in running 5.5 mph for the 2nd half.
Next week I go up to 2.5 miles. And then each subsequent week, I will be adding one half mile. So, I'm anxious to see how this goes.
I'm proud that along with the exercising, I've been trying to strike a better balance between the junk food that's so convenient and the healthy food I need to be eating. I'm seeing a LOT more fruits and vegetables in my diet. Of course, I've always eaten a lot more turkey and chicken meat, so lean proteins aren't really a problem for me. I think the biggest issue is just the little things that add up for me: Buying a bag of funyuns at work for my afternoon snack because I forgot to bring a bag of carrots or an apple, craving a soda and grabbing a Sprite at the vending machine.
Which, brings me to sodas. Even after this summer's episode in the hospital, I still haven't completely cut out cokes. It's one of those things, I realize that I need to do it. And actually, I've been doing a lot better. A typical week means 2-3 cans worth of coke. Before the summer? I had gotten up to 7-15 worth in a week I'd say. So, obviously, there's improvement. Haha...
Oddly enough, I think that the new multivitamin I've been taking the last week has really helped. My cravings are almost non-existant. This is likely because it's a women's one-a-day geared toward boosting metabolism... it has caffeine. So, getting that 70 mg of caffeine (which is twice the caffeine content of one can of coke) really helps. The only day I've had a craving was when I forgot to take my vitamin until about 2 hours after I normally take it. By that time, I had already made a trip to the vending machines... Oops.
Anyway, speaking of the summer, I've been working really hard to drink more water like they said. I would say an average day, I go through a half gallon. Which is perfect! That's my 8 cups (8 ounces) that I need.
My next big task I face is making sure I keep up with my exercise and find a good time to do it. Lately, I've been going late at night, which when I just need 30 min, it's do-able. But as my workout time increases? Still working on this scheduling puzzle... My other thing is I need to make sure I'm sleeping. I feel like I would do better if I was getting 9 hours. Instead, I average 7-8. Which, to most, wouldn't be a bad amount. I just wish it was better.
So, this ended up being a rather long update that pretty much no one will read. But that's OK. My blog's more like a public journal for my personal records anyway...
:D
The last time I'm pretty sure I was:
Bust- 39
Chest- 35.5
Waist- 30.5
Hips- 44.5
Thighs- 27
Today?
Bust- 37
Chest- 33.5
Waist- 29.5
Hips- 44
Thighs- 26
Weight at original inches- appx. 180
Weight at new inches- appx. 170
Looking up clothing sizes, apparently my chest/waist measurements are perfectly in ratio to be a 10. My hips? Still at a 14 in most sizes.
Also, I've been running. In fact, in October, I ran typically 2 times, maybe 3 times a week. Intervals were my plan of choice. I wanted to be able to comfortably run a 10 minute mile by the end of the month, which I would say I was mostly successful at achieving.
My new goal? Be able to run 5 miles by the end of the year. Which, honestly, I think is perfectly attainable. This is my 2 mile week. Already at a 5 mph pace, the 2 miles is easy. EASY. It was rough on Wednesday when I tried to do a 5 mph for the first mile and then 6 mph for the second. I mean, I completed it. But I felt absolutely wretched. I think today I'll try and find middle ground in running 5.5 mph for the 2nd half.
Next week I go up to 2.5 miles. And then each subsequent week, I will be adding one half mile. So, I'm anxious to see how this goes.
I'm proud that along with the exercising, I've been trying to strike a better balance between the junk food that's so convenient and the healthy food I need to be eating. I'm seeing a LOT more fruits and vegetables in my diet. Of course, I've always eaten a lot more turkey and chicken meat, so lean proteins aren't really a problem for me. I think the biggest issue is just the little things that add up for me: Buying a bag of funyuns at work for my afternoon snack because I forgot to bring a bag of carrots or an apple, craving a soda and grabbing a Sprite at the vending machine.
Which, brings me to sodas. Even after this summer's episode in the hospital, I still haven't completely cut out cokes. It's one of those things, I realize that I need to do it. And actually, I've been doing a lot better. A typical week means 2-3 cans worth of coke. Before the summer? I had gotten up to 7-15 worth in a week I'd say. So, obviously, there's improvement. Haha...
Oddly enough, I think that the new multivitamin I've been taking the last week has really helped. My cravings are almost non-existant. This is likely because it's a women's one-a-day geared toward boosting metabolism... it has caffeine. So, getting that 70 mg of caffeine (which is twice the caffeine content of one can of coke) really helps. The only day I've had a craving was when I forgot to take my vitamin until about 2 hours after I normally take it. By that time, I had already made a trip to the vending machines... Oops.
Anyway, speaking of the summer, I've been working really hard to drink more water like they said. I would say an average day, I go through a half gallon. Which is perfect! That's my 8 cups (8 ounces) that I need.
My next big task I face is making sure I keep up with my exercise and find a good time to do it. Lately, I've been going late at night, which when I just need 30 min, it's do-able. But as my workout time increases? Still working on this scheduling puzzle... My other thing is I need to make sure I'm sleeping. I feel like I would do better if I was getting 9 hours. Instead, I average 7-8. Which, to most, wouldn't be a bad amount. I just wish it was better.
So, this ended up being a rather long update that pretty much no one will read. But that's OK. My blog's more like a public journal for my personal records anyway...
:D
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
11.17.11: Things To Do
-I have so much traveling I want to do in the next year:
--New York, January
--Wyoming, Feb-Mar?
--Austin for SXSWi in March
--Los Angeles/Anaheim for VidCon, June
--Maybe Chicago next fall?
--Columbus, OH for ASTC Conference next October
-I have some plays I want to be a part of:
--The Laramie Project in Jan-Feb
--You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown in Mar-Apr
-I want to finish my musical and put it on
-I want to successfully receive at least one grant at work
-I want to keep off the weight I've lost and drop a little more. I'm thinking though, I can easily drop the 10 to finish off my goal for the year of 40 lbs to bring my final weight of 2011 from 200 to 160. I just don't want to get too obsessive about weight. I want it to be about health. Which bring me to...
-I'm running two miles! And comfortably. Not too fast mind you, but running it nonetheless without stopping. I think I'm going to try and stick to the old cross country plan of picking a mileage, sticking with it for a week and upping it a half mile each week after. That'd put me at running 5 miles by the end of the year. We'll see how that goes!
-With the weight I've lost and the constant state of disarray my room likes to stay in, I have two goals if I ever find any free time:
--1. To actually, legitimately clean my room.
--2. While I'm at it, I'd like to actually unpack? I haven't really, REALLY unpacked since I lived in the dorms, and seeing as I think I'm going to be in lubbock for a little while, I might as well unpack.
--3. I think I need to go through my clothes. A lot of stuff doesn't fit anymore or I don't wear it. Why not sell what's really nice (Like cocktail dresses) and donate the rest?
-I'm getting better about it, but I'd really like to look at my budgeting skills and focus on where all my money is going. One of my new years resolutions is going to be about keeping better track of my money and becoming more savvy on where I can save in my budgeting.
-I want to be better at my job.
-I like lists.
THE END!
--New York, January
--Wyoming, Feb-Mar?
--Austin for SXSWi in March
--Los Angeles/Anaheim for VidCon, June
--Maybe Chicago next fall?
--Columbus, OH for ASTC Conference next October
-I have some plays I want to be a part of:
--The Laramie Project in Jan-Feb
--You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown in Mar-Apr
-I want to finish my musical and put it on
-I want to successfully receive at least one grant at work
-I want to keep off the weight I've lost and drop a little more. I'm thinking though, I can easily drop the 10 to finish off my goal for the year of 40 lbs to bring my final weight of 2011 from 200 to 160. I just don't want to get too obsessive about weight. I want it to be about health. Which bring me to...
-I'm running two miles! And comfortably. Not too fast mind you, but running it nonetheless without stopping. I think I'm going to try and stick to the old cross country plan of picking a mileage, sticking with it for a week and upping it a half mile each week after. That'd put me at running 5 miles by the end of the year. We'll see how that goes!
-With the weight I've lost and the constant state of disarray my room likes to stay in, I have two goals if I ever find any free time:
--1. To actually, legitimately clean my room.
--2. While I'm at it, I'd like to actually unpack? I haven't really, REALLY unpacked since I lived in the dorms, and seeing as I think I'm going to be in lubbock for a little while, I might as well unpack.
--3. I think I need to go through my clothes. A lot of stuff doesn't fit anymore or I don't wear it. Why not sell what's really nice (Like cocktail dresses) and donate the rest?
-I'm getting better about it, but I'd really like to look at my budgeting skills and focus on where all my money is going. One of my new years resolutions is going to be about keeping better track of my money and becoming more savvy on where I can save in my budgeting.
-I want to be better at my job.
-I like lists.
THE END!
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